Monday morning splitting wood at work like a empowered strong women I am. First swing down I felt my lower back muscles buckle. Not terrible. I stretched a bit,then proceeded to chop another 2 wheelbarrow loads. Then worked the next four days on camp pretty stiff and sore. Now as shit as it is doing your back is. This incident and my response to it has shown me just how far I have come.
Back pain started my transformational journey, it forced me to look within. If I was still in the same mind frame as I was 3 years ago. I would have catastrophised it. Instantly googling all the possibilities of what was wrong with my back, beating myself up for my body ‘failing’ me, searching for pain and finding it constantly. Envisioning all the things I would have to miss out on in the future because of my stuffed back. Booking appointments for physio, massage and chiro expecting them to ‘fix’ me. Essentially back then I would make my condition worse with my constant worrying (AKA praying for bad things to happen), having a defeatist mindset and giving my own healing power away to others.
This time my response was totally different. I know now that back injuries are not all physical. I have a lot going on at the moment between starting a business and working casually. So I acknowledge, stress and emotions were a contributing factor.
Mindset wise I stayed positive and calm. I viewed this injury was just a sign from my body that I was doing too much and needed rest. My pain or stiffness in the moment did not mean I couldn’t sail next weekend or hike in November. I let go of projecting fear into the future. I trusted my ability to heal myself though breath, yoga, mediation, thought and rest. I have felt release in tension and simmering of symptoms through these simple practices. When I do feel pain and tension, I notice my thoughts have turned negative, fear and frustration fan the flames of suffering.
I saw an acupuncturist last week with the intention on getting expert holistic guidance on healing, as I knew this was much more then just my back. I did not place the unrealistic expectation of being ‘fixed’ by someone external AKA healing cockblocking myself. I maintained my responsibility and power in the healing process. Turns out I am running on a weak damp spleen, which manifests as digestive issues, muscular pain and low energy. Yes, yes, yes! I now know what I need to do to strengthen this system. Plus I made a new TMC practitioner friend.
Astrology + Chinese Medicine = BESTIES.
I’ve been studying medical Astrology, using my chart and transits as a tool for holistic healing. The birth chart is a reflection of your mind, and as mind and body are so connected, it proves a very handy tool for maintaining and understanding health. Through medical Astrology, I know that I was coming off a vitality depletion day and a tricky Mars transit when I did my back. So my energy levels were at an all time low and in that brief period of time I was prone to physically overdoing it and injuring myself. Spot on! With this knowledge I am able to give myself more grace than I would have in the past. I am already a kind person, though Astrology makes you a kinder person. First you become kinder to yourself then you become kinder to everyone else.
Again as most of you know, doing your back is not fun. The silver lining here is it takes something like this to happen to really notice how far you’ve come.
I am proud of myself for building a strong connection with my body and faith in it’s innate healing abilities. I am proud of the total mindset shift I have created from victim and negative downward spirals to self empowered, responsible and calm.
Health is my number one value, without it nothing else matters. I can’t pour from an empty cup. I love that I now have all these holistic tools, practices and wisdom to keep my cup full and even better overflowing.
Jess xx
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