It feels odd that people come to me for relationship advice and I actually have decent advice to give.
It feels odd because I am not someone experienced in relationships. I’m only a year and a half into my first serious relationship at 26. I have a long history of not much more than a heaps of one night stands. Who the fuck am I to give relationship advice. Most of my relationship education has come from ‘how I met your mother’ and ‘sex and the city’.
Relationships experience aside what makes me so wise on the topic of love lately is that through spending the first half of my 20s completely single I’ve cultivated deep relationship with MYSELF. I believe the most important part of any relationship.
I was vibing myself so hard when I met Mitch, I posted a blog the day before out first date. Declaring “as long as my self worth stays high so will my standards” and “I’m not ready to sacrifice my dreams and life for love”. By the way Mitch had my social at this stages, so read these words and as you can imagine was very nervous when he met me 😂 as he should have been. I’m a boss ass bitch who knows her worth. Took me a longggggg time, lots of rejection, self destruction, heartache to get there, but I arrived and so did Mitch. Funny that.
After our few month long distance courtship. Mitch and I decided to share lanes. Not without deliberate intention. I was adamant not to lose myself in this relationship. Me being the overachiever I am. I wrote a 4 page, let’s say contract? Of what he’s going to have to accept in dating me. I forget a lot of the points but couple I important ones I won’t forget are:
⭐️I am responsible for my own healing, you can support me but you can’t fix me so don’t try.
⭐️I don’t need, you I want you.
I don’t believe in ‘other halves’ anymore. I guess it makes sense if you have a gapping void within yourself that you feel you need someone or thing to fill externally. Trust me I tried for years to fill the ‘void’ with all sorts of people and things. It only left me feeling more empty.
What I was missing was connection to myself, my power from within. So I’ve been on a journey of turning inwards. Connecting back to my wholeness. I may still be a rookie when it come to the actual sharing and considering part of the relationship deal. I’m learning. But I feel I have become a master and passionate advocate of selfFULLNESS. A vital ingredient to a conscious healthy relationship.
I often pinch myself and wonder how I got so lucky to be in such a deep and loving relationship. But then I remind myself. That I fucking DESERVE this. I did the inner work and in turn attracted an amazing partner. Law of attraction baby ✨
Your relationship with yourself sets the foundations for all other relationships in your life. So if your struggling in that department. It may be time to stop pointing fingers and start taking a good hard, loving look at yourself
💚🙏🏻
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