Leave Me Alone... Be My Friend?

I had a massive day of driving from Camooweal to Daly Waters. As the Troopy doesn’t like going fast, a drive that would usually take 8 hours took me a good 10. This day zapped the energy out of me. When I rocked up at Daly water at around 6pm, I pulled up next to a guy I saw at Camooweal the night before. He had done the same drive so we got chatting. It was dinner time so we grabbed a meal together at the pub. Kevin was his name. 28-year-old German guy who has been working and travelling Aus for the last year. I don’t know if he was shy, quiet or just lacked enough English to hold a decent conversation and understand my Aussie humour. But he was nice enough. He was also heading to Mataranka the next day, which was also my plan. So we decided to team up and head together. Seem like a good idea at the time. In the morning he actually followed me the whole way. Sitting behind me on 80 max 90, when he could have been going 130 and just met me there. I warned him it would slow going but he was happy trail behind. Whatever, it was cool someone was travelling the same way as me for once.

Once we got to Mataranka I felt instantly suffocated by his company. He camped right next to me. I had a hard time explaining to the van park owner that we were separate parties when paying. We looked like a couple and Miss Independent Me did not like this one bit. My favourite thing about travelling alone is talking to random people. This day that I was with Kevin not one person approached me for a chat. This was definitely a low point of my trip. But poor Kevin didn’t actually do anything wrong, he was a lovely guy and meant well. He was unaware of how his presence was actually killing my sense of freedom. And in his defence, it was that time of month where I am more grumpy and dramatic than usual. I just wanted to do my own thing without anyone questioning or tagging along. This experience made it clear that doing this trip alone was what I needed to do.

We did a night walk down to the springs. Just for the record I did not find Kevin attractive and knew he didn’t have the balls to make a move on me (if he did I could have snapped him in half), so I felt safe. While we were down there a girl who was swimming in the dark crept up on us and scared the living daylights out of me. On our way back to camp Kevin questioned if I thought it was strange for her to be swimming at night by herself. Absolutely not! It’s something I would do, probably naked too. What a legend, I thought to myself. I would love to be friends with her but looking like a couple on a romantic night stroll (vomit emoji) really limits opportunities to make new friends.

I woke up real early and went down for a swim, eager to get some space. I had the spring to myself for a good half an hour before people started coming down for their morning dip. I got chatting to a girl similar age to me. Turns out she was the mystery girl from the night before. We hit it off. Her name was Eleanor, 24, dentist who does remote contracts but is currently doing work at the Mataranka homestead over the holidays. She travels around with her whole life in her 4WD (OMG SAME). I knew I needed to meet this person! She was very eccentric and so within the first 5 minutes she made me guess her disorders. I guessed ADHD and Asperger’s correctly. Eleanor had a rough up bring and grew up mostly in foster care. She hates people. She can usually scare anyone away with her quirkiness. Not me. I was so bloody intrigued. I had met someone crazier than me. Possibly the most frank, honest and interesting human I have ever come across. Eleanor was also a Pieces. I had to ask after having finding we had so much in common. How fitting that we met in the water.

We compared underarm hair length. I have been embracing all the hair lately but mine were not as impressive as hers. She doesn’t shave at all, never has. Except for the time her foster Mum held her down and forcibly shaved her legs. We discussed why women succumb to socially constructed ways of femineity. We are all animals and are supposed to have hair. Hair shouldn’t make you any less female. I’m all about letting the gardens grow. But since arriving in Darwin my social programming won and I gave into the razor. I want to make friends here and so I thought I better not look like big foot running around scaring everyone away. One day I’ll be confident enough to rock all the hair.

Our conversation got pretty deep. One quote from Eleanor that will stay with me is “ don’t you think most people just walk around without a soul… obviously you have a soul though” Somehow, I felt touched that this disordered dentist thinks I have a soul. It’s been confirmed everyone! I am with soul. But yes, I agreed there are plenty of zombie humans living a soulless existence inside a box.

Eleanor wanted to know my reasoning for being single. I gave her my well-rehearsed speech of not meeting anyone good enough yet and refusing to settle for any less than I deserve. Her next question stumped me. “What makes humans so deserving?” She got me good there and made me dig a little deeper. I concluded that I am not yet willing to sacrifice my life and dreams for love. I’m selfish OK. Which I don’t think is a bad thing at this stage of my life. I’ve been pondering this since and I think you deserve what you believe you deserve. It’s a matter of self-worth. As long as my self-worth stays high so will my standards. Some may mistake deserving for entitlement (another whole blog in itself- hey privilege). So maybe it’s a matter of earning the right to deserve something? What must one do or be to deserve something or someone? And who is the judge? Question everything! I’ll keep thinking.

Eleanor taught me some jujutsu moves. We had each other in choke holds on the step into the spring. It would have been quite the sight! I taught her how to dive properly. Because of her tumultuous upbringing no one taught her to swim so she taught herself only a year ago. Not teaching an Aussie kid how to swim should be a crime. But by the sounds of it, it wasn’t the worst thing her Dad neglected to do for her.

We started getting wrinkly from being in the water too long so we excitedly showed each other our camp set ups. Eleanor let me raid her book collection. She can read in French, German, Greek and Latin. Not speak. Speaking involves people. Also she is currently writing a novel. What a women. She gifted me a book. We of the Never Never. A story of a women’s journey to a remote cattle station in 1902. Very fitting as we were in Never Never country. When we parted ways I hoped that our paths would meet again someday. She showed little emotion in the farewell but for someone who hates people she sure seemed to enjoy chatting with me.

I think the greatest lesson we could all learn from Eleanor is that we don’t have to be a victim of our pasts. Given her upbringing Eleanor could have easily played victim and let life get her down. Instead she hasn’t let any of that hold her back and is living her best life out in the bush. I was so happy to meet someone with a similar spirit to me and I wanted to finish my trip on that high. So I told old mate Kevin that I’m going my own way today and headed to Darwin to conclude my trip. What a journey!

4/01/2021

Jess